Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drunk is a universal language darling
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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