I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
