So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
