gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
