And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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