its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
