You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
