The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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