I want to have your abortion
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
