you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
