I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
