awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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