If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
