normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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