I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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