so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
