Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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