Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
