Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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