The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
