I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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