Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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