The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
