My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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