I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
