Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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