My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
