So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
