I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
