I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
