Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
