Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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