Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize