I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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