I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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