I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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