My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
