If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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