you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
