Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
