I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
