Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Welp...herpes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
