'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
