you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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