Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize