I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize