new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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