ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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