He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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