She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
