My hair reeks of homosexuality.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
