Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
