The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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