It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
