Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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