does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
