i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
