In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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