Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
