It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
