Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
