I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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