Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You are the jesus of drinking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
