That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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