God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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