false alarm. still invincible.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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