Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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