Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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