my phone needs a breathalizer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
