Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
