No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
