Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
